Speaking Life into Your Woman

Hats off to this young man. He gets it. Speaking life into your partner and showing appreciation is so important. It promotes feelings of security, confidence, wantedness, and just plain love. However, people dwell on women speaking life into men, when we should also focus on men uplifting women. Women work, have and are the primary caregivers for our children, take care of the household, hold our men down, etc.,  and we deserve some affirmation for it all. Yes it is important to uplift our men, BUT don't forget to give it in return.

Heart2Heart

Side Chick

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Make It or Break It?

Getting back on the dating scene can be rough, especially if you've been off of the market for a while. We all know that no one you date is going to be perfect and have EVERYTHING you are looking for. I mean let's be real, it's hard to find that knight in shining armor these days. Since no one is perfect, how do you know where to draw the line? Do we settle as long as the person has/does the most important things? Is a man with a minimum wage job, a hooptie, and bad sex a complete turn off. I am not the type to settle, but I do believe in giving people chances to prove themselves. Everyone isn't where they want to be in life, and I (more than anyone) can understand that. I am willing to work with a guy as long as he is working on himself (a.k.a not content with his hooptie). Just keep in mind what you are getting yourself into. If you choose someone who isn't already established (based off of other appealing qualities), make sure you can be supportive rather than pointing out their shortcomings. Be their Wonder Woman and elevate them. If you have a good man, you both will benefit from this in the end. And don't let bad sex run you away; sex, like sports, may require practice, but with a good coach you can create an MVP.

Heart2Heart 

What? A Man

It's been a long time since I've posted something for you guys. Needless to say, I experienced a few Lessons in Love during my hiatus. To make a long story short, I am now a mother and very single. It has been a long and heartbreaking process to go from a long-term relationship to being on my own (especially with a young daughter), but I am at the point where I am ready to date again. I have not actively pursued candidates, but I have dabbled in the dating pool once or twice within the past year. What I've realized during that time is that my idea of a "Good Man" has been slightly skewed. I used to think that I knew exactly what I wanted from a man, and any man that fell short of my expectations wasn't for me. There was no way I would settle. Now I'm beginning to question my standards and expectations. After some deep contemplation, I realize my doubt is caused by two factors: reality vs societal expectations. We live in a world where most of us were taught as young ladies not to settle for anything less than a handsome gentleman with a good job, his own car, his own house and hopefully religious beliefs (that was a bonus of course). In reality, the guys that embody that "Good Man" persona in today's society do exist, but they are usually disrespectful jerks who wouldn't know how to treat a woman if someone gave them a step-by-step manual (which do exist BTW). And the the actual good guys usually fall short of society's fabricated list of what a good man should be. Should you "settle" for this guy just because he treats you better than the jerk who has it all? Then there's the Average Joe who has a job, transportation, etc and treats you well, but does not have that physical appeal. Should you go for this guy just because of his potential even though the chemistry may not be there? It's hard to find a man who even has a decent job in this day and age. So should you pass him up just because he doesn't have a car or maybe you aren't physically attracted to him? Ultimately, no one is perfect, so don't write someone off completely. No man will have it all. It's up to you to decide what is truly important to have and sustain a successful relationship. In the end, there is someone for everyone so don't feel like you have to settle if you feel in your heart someone is not right for you. Determine your worth, and be with whoever makes you happy. 

Heart2Heart

What Women Want

While it may seem like most women don't know what they want or that some of us want it all, which is usually true, a lot of us will be satisfied with just a select few qualities in a guy. Though this list may vary slightly depending on the woman you are dating, here are our five most common desires.

A GOOD man should be:

5) UNDERSTANDING- Most men will not always relate to our feelings or get why we do certain things. We will not always hold that against you as long as you accept the fact that we constantly have mood swings and change our minds for no apparent reason. IT'S JUST THE WAY WE ARE! You must also know how to communicate with your girl . Some of us are able to have an argument or disagreement with our man and then immediately talk it out to search for a logical solution. Others need some time to calm down before talking it out. (If this is your girl, don't try to force her to deal with the issue until she's ready or the situation will get a whole lot worse.) Because most women feel that they can do no wrong, even when they are the ones at fault, always be prepared to apologize or get the cold shoulder until she decides to forgive you. A good woman will admit her faults and accept your apology for doing wrong without giving you a hard time.

4) APPRECIATIVE- Every woman, especially those that are married, wants to feel like their man wants and needs them. This is why a lot of us go out of our way to please our men and sometimes put their needs before ours. If guys have ever wondered why their woman practically bent over backwards for them at the beginning of their relationship and now they can't get her to do anything for them, it's because she doesn't feel like you were grateful for her services before, so why would she continue to provide them? If your woman does as much for you as she does for herself then why not let her know that you appreciate it every once in a while? You could easily be one of those neglected boyfriends whose woman doesn't care if he's happy or not. Let her know how thankful you are with flowers or a card or maybe just a text message. Believe it or not IT DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

3) AFFECTIONATE- WARNING: DO NOT GO OVERBOARD. Everyone has heard the phrase "Less is More". Moderate affection is more than enough. Show your girl a little T.L.C from time to time by cuddling, holding hands, or just giving her a hug or a peck on the cheek. Although these actions may not seem significant, it makes all the difference to us women.

2) CONSIDERATE- There's nothing like a STRAIGHT man that actually cares about a woman's feelings and wants nothing more than to make her happy (don't confuse this with a "YES" man). If you really want to make your woman smile, DO THE LITTLE THINGS! Hold the door open, pull out her chair, and compliment her every once in a while. Most importantly, take notice of your woman's new looks. Though we may not admit it, we buy those new clothes and get that new hairstyle to get attention from our men. SO TAKE NOTICE! Point out her new hair cut or her new earrings. It may be a little old- fashioned, but it's sexy as hell.

1) HONEST- It's not that difficult to figure out that women require THE TRUTH, THE WHOLE TRUTH, AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH when it comes to certain issues. It's possible that your woman may not always take the truth well, but keeping it 100 with her is a lot better than lying. As the saying goes, "The truth always prevails", and it's always better for her to discover it directly from you. Now notice I said tell the truth about "certain issues". If you truly know your woman, you've figured out the things that make her feel self-conscious about herself. For some women it's their height or weight, for others it's big ears or ugly feet. Whatever the case may be, never directly criticize your woman about her weakness even if she asks you to. For example, if your woman has some issues with her gut and she asks you if a certain shirt exposes that issue. Even though you know that the shirt barely covers her stomach and makes her look 5 months pregnant, PLEASE DON'T TELL HER THAT. Try expressing your dislike of the shirt in general, or maybe even suggest an alternative. Your goal is to build your woman up, not make her feel bad about her faults.

Don't get me wrong women expect so much more out of their men, just as men have expectations for women, but so many more attractive qualities stem from these characteristics. With consideration comes respect, with honesty comes trust, and with all these comes LOVE, which is what makes life worthwhile. Now no one is perfect and, even though it may seem like it sometimes, we don't expect you to be. But if you keep these 5 virtues in mind, your relationship will be a lot better off.