Ask, and Shall You Receive?

For the longest women have been described as complicated, difficult, hard to please, etc. Honestly this can be true, but there is a simple solution for men...learn to cope. We've all heard the saying, "Ask and you shall receive." What happens when we apply this concept to relationships. Both men and women should take this quote to heart. MEN if you find yourself constantly guessing or confused about what your woman wants,  just ask her. Nine times out of ten she has thrown hints or revealed her desires in some direct or indirect way and you failed to catch the hint, but for clarity purposes you owe it to her to find out what makes her happy. WOMEN, don't assume that your man can read your mind. If he's just not catching the hints you're throwing, communicate with him exactly what you want when you want it. MEN just keep in mind that this may change often but don't get discouraged just go with the flow (trust me it's easier for everyone). The bottom line is that women have a lot that contributes to instability within their lives (harmones, daily tasks/struggles, etc), so it's normal for them to be moody and indecisive. A real man will do all he can to help her bare those daily burdens, make her life as care-free as possible, and do anything to put a smile on her face. It just takes a little effort and a lot of patience. And don't worry men, a real woman will recognize the effort you put into what matters to her and return that effort 1000%. 

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Just Right

So we've all heard the story of Goldilocks and the three bears. Goldilocks pretty much breaks in to the bears’ home, eats their food, sits in their chairs, makes herself comfortable in their beds, and tears stuff up in the process. All of this is irrelevant, except for her selection process. She tries all three options (mother’s, father’s, and baby’s) in each category until she finds the one that is “just right” for her. This is a great example of how to approach your relationship. As a woman I am the first to say that we can be difficult, and it may be a little hard to figure out exactly what we want. As a REAL woman I will also say that you may never truly figure this out because what we want changes constantly. Not saying that we will always want something new or out of the norm, but we are emotional creatures and our wants/actions are tied to our emotions. For example, I am the least affectionate in my relationship (believe it or not), but sometimes I get an urge to be extremely affectionate. This may be a little confusing to my boyfriend because he now has to figure out when to be more or less affectionate with me. The key is to 1. Ask or 2. Learn to read your mate. Luckily, my boyfriend has learned me enough to recognize my moods, so he can judge his actions. It may also be helpful and a lot less difficult if we, as women, just tell our men what we want. Yes I know we expect them to figure it out the majority of the time, because that’s how it should be, right?...WRONG. We can sometimes get in the habit of having these high, sometimes unrealistic, expectations of men to test them and their love and commitment towards us. This just complicates things more, and some men are just not good at taking hints. Before we can test a man, let’s first make sure we give him the tools to pass. Now men, once we give you this study guide of expectations please try your hardest to accept it and retain it. Don’t do more than we expect (over-do it), less than we want (slack), and don’t stray away from our desires because you don’t agree with how we want to be treated. We need a good balance of actions, emotions, etc...not too much, not too little, but just right. The key to a successful relationship is to love people how they want to be loved, not how you want to love them. I know for a fact this can be difficult, but it's a small price if your goal is to be with that person and make them happy.Heart2Heart

I MEME THAT

Know Your Role

It's been a minute since my last post. Long story short, I'm in a relationship now (YAY me lol). Along with a new relationship comes constant communication with your boyfriend/girlfriend, aka learning one another and figuring out likes and dislikes. One thing I wanted to clarify with my boyfriend is his opinion on gender roles. I actually conversed with a few people on the topic. Surprisingly, people don't really adopt the old school idea that  men should be the sole bread winners and women are delagated to the home and children. Maybe it's our changing times, or maybe people or finally deciding to be realistic. A relationship should be a partnership. It makes much more sense to work with your partner and pick up the slack in whichever area they may be lacking. I believe that it takes two to be financially stable in this economy, AND it also takes two (possibly more) to properly raise our children and take care of our households. I have no problem cooking and cleaning, but I will also take out the trash or mow the lawn if need be. Luckily, my amazing boyfriend agrees that there is nothing wrong with a mam performing "domestic duties" (deemed so by traditional societies). My theory is that whoever is best at a task and enjoys doing it more should do it. If I prefer putting up a shelf more than cooking (which I do), then there is no reason I should be assigned to the latter just because it's more "womanly". Basically, a relationship's roles should be based on what works for the people in that relationship. Just remember to contribute something, be considerate and know your role. ✌🏽️

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Make It or Break It?

Getting back on the dating scene can be rough, especially if you've been off of the market for a while. We all know that no one you date is going to be perfect and have EVERYTHING you are looking for. I mean let's be real, it's hard to find that knight in shining armor these days. Since no one is perfect, how do you know where to draw the line? Do we settle as long as the person has/does the most important things? Is a man with a minimum wage job, a hooptie, and bad sex a complete turn off. I am not the type to settle, but I do believe in giving people chances to prove themselves. Everyone isn't where they want to be in life, and I (more than anyone) can understand that. I am willing to work with a guy as long as he is working on himself (a.k.a not content with his hooptie). Just keep in mind what you are getting yourself into. If you choose someone who isn't already established (based off of other appealing qualities), make sure you can be supportive rather than pointing out their shortcomings. Be their Wonder Woman and elevate them. If you have a good man, you both will benefit from this in the end. And don't let bad sex run you away; sex, like sports, may require practice, but with a good coach you can create an MVP.

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Change Comes With Action

While talking 2 my sister one day, we came to a conclusion that most women experience the same
problem at some point in their relationship....trying to get their man to understand the
importance of putting in time. Maybe the fellas can give me a little insight into why it's
like pulling teeth when us women want a little QT with our man. Isn't that how we're
supposed to feel?! I mean be for real, how would you feel if your girlfriend never wanted
to spend any time with you? If that's the case you should be a little concerned. Either she
doesn't like being around you, or she found someone she likes being around more than you....
either way it's a lose-lose situation. All I'm saying is put in the time (and I don't just mean
at the beginning of the relationship) because there is always someone waiting to pick up your
slack. TRUST!

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What Women Want

While it may seem like most women don't know what they want or that some of us want it all, which is usually true, a lot of us will be satisfied with just a select few qualities in a guy. Though this list may vary slightly depending on the woman you are dating, here are our five most common desires.

A GOOD man should be:

5) UNDERSTANDING- Most men will not always relate to our feelings or get why we do certain things. We will not always hold that against you as long as you accept the fact that we constantly have mood swings and change our minds for no apparent reason. IT'S JUST THE WAY WE ARE! You must also know how to communicate with your girl . Some of us are able to have an argument or disagreement with our man and then immediately talk it out to search for a logical solution. Others need some time to calm down before talking it out. (If this is your girl, don't try to force her to deal with the issue until she's ready or the situation will get a whole lot worse.) Because most women feel that they can do no wrong, even when they are the ones at fault, always be prepared to apologize or get the cold shoulder until she decides to forgive you. A good woman will admit her faults and accept your apology for doing wrong without giving you a hard time.

4) APPRECIATIVE- Every woman, especially those that are married, wants to feel like their man wants and needs them. This is why a lot of us go out of our way to please our men and sometimes put their needs before ours. If guys have ever wondered why their woman practically bent over backwards for them at the beginning of their relationship and now they can't get her to do anything for them, it's because she doesn't feel like you were grateful for her services before, so why would she continue to provide them? If your woman does as much for you as she does for herself then why not let her know that you appreciate it every once in a while? You could easily be one of those neglected boyfriends whose woman doesn't care if he's happy or not. Let her know how thankful you are with flowers or a card or maybe just a text message. Believe it or not IT DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

3) AFFECTIONATE- WARNING: DO NOT GO OVERBOARD. Everyone has heard the phrase "Less is More". Moderate affection is more than enough. Show your girl a little T.L.C from time to time by cuddling, holding hands, or just giving her a hug or a peck on the cheek. Although these actions may not seem significant, it makes all the difference to us women.

2) CONSIDERATE- There's nothing like a STRAIGHT man that actually cares about a woman's feelings and wants nothing more than to make her happy (don't confuse this with a "YES" man). If you really want to make your woman smile, DO THE LITTLE THINGS! Hold the door open, pull out her chair, and compliment her every once in a while. Most importantly, take notice of your woman's new looks. Though we may not admit it, we buy those new clothes and get that new hairstyle to get attention from our men. SO TAKE NOTICE! Point out her new hair cut or her new earrings. It may be a little old- fashioned, but it's sexy as hell.

1) HONEST- It's not that difficult to figure out that women require THE TRUTH, THE WHOLE TRUTH, AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH when it comes to certain issues. It's possible that your woman may not always take the truth well, but keeping it 100 with her is a lot better than lying. As the saying goes, "The truth always prevails", and it's always better for her to discover it directly from you. Now notice I said tell the truth about "certain issues". If you truly know your woman, you've figured out the things that make her feel self-conscious about herself. For some women it's their height or weight, for others it's big ears or ugly feet. Whatever the case may be, never directly criticize your woman about her weakness even if she asks you to. For example, if your woman has some issues with her gut and she asks you if a certain shirt exposes that issue. Even though you know that the shirt barely covers her stomach and makes her look 5 months pregnant, PLEASE DON'T TELL HER THAT. Try expressing your dislike of the shirt in general, or maybe even suggest an alternative. Your goal is to build your woman up, not make her feel bad about her faults.

Don't get me wrong women expect so much more out of their men, just as men have expectations for women, but so many more attractive qualities stem from these characteristics. With consideration comes respect, with honesty comes trust, and with all these comes LOVE, which is what makes life worthwhile. Now no one is perfect and, even though it may seem like it sometimes, we don't expect you to be. But if you keep these 5 virtues in mind, your relationship will be a lot better off.