I MEME THAT

You Get What You [Think] You Deserve

So I recently had some random woman approach me and tell me that she was seeing this married man (true story). She went on to say she gets really jeaous when he doesn't reply to her text or contact her everyday. She also said she doesn't believe she was the only one he was stepping outside of his marriage with, and asked me what she should do. Honestly, at the time all I could tell her was that she needs to move on. Afterwards, i regret not letting her know the "real". As to not seem judgemental, I held back my initial thoughts that she was putting herself in a situation that made her look foolish, desperate, and like she has little self-worth and a lack of self-confidence. That is what it boils down to though. We must put ourselves in a position that displays how valuable and worthy we are to have someone who is ours (and only ours)  and who loves, values, and cherishes us for exactly who we are and what we have to offer. Vice versa, we should treat the person we have with the same respect. We must be an example for our sons and daughters on how to be treated/loved and how to treat/love others. We all make mistakes and have been in undesirable positions, but don't let those situations carry on when you know they are wrong. That speaks volumes about your character. Like the old adage goes, "If you knew better, you'd do better". So know your worth, and don't accept anyone who gives you less.

Heart2Heart

I MEME THAT

Speaking Life into Your Woman

Hats off to this young man. He gets it. Speaking life into your partner and showing appreciation is so important. It promotes feelings of security, confidence, wantedness, and just plain love. However, people dwell on women speaking life into men, when we should also focus on men uplifting women. Women work, have and are the primary caregivers for our children, take care of the household, hold our men down, etc.,  and we deserve some affirmation for it all. Yes it is important to uplift our men, BUT don't forget to give it in return.

Heart2Heart

Just Right

So we've all heard the story of Goldilocks and the three bears. Goldilocks pretty much breaks in to the bears’ home, eats their food, sits in their chairs, makes herself comfortable in their beds, and tears stuff up in the process. All of this is irrelevant, except for her selection process. She tries all three options (mother’s, father’s, and baby’s) in each category until she finds the one that is “just right” for her. This is a great example of how to approach your relationship. As a woman I am the first to say that we can be difficult, and it may be a little hard to figure out exactly what we want. As a REAL woman I will also say that you may never truly figure this out because what we want changes constantly. Not saying that we will always want something new or out of the norm, but we are emotional creatures and our wants/actions are tied to our emotions. For example, I am the least affectionate in my relationship (believe it or not), but sometimes I get an urge to be extremely affectionate. This may be a little confusing to my boyfriend because he now has to figure out when to be more or less affectionate with me. The key is to 1. Ask or 2. Learn to read your mate. Luckily, my boyfriend has learned me enough to recognize my moods, so he can judge his actions. It may also be helpful and a lot less difficult if we, as women, just tell our men what we want. Yes I know we expect them to figure it out the majority of the time, because that’s how it should be, right?...WRONG. We can sometimes get in the habit of having these high, sometimes unrealistic, expectations of men to test them and their love and commitment towards us. This just complicates things more, and some men are just not good at taking hints. Before we can test a man, let’s first make sure we give him the tools to pass. Now men, once we give you this study guide of expectations please try your hardest to accept it and retain it. Don’t do more than we expect (over-do it), less than we want (slack), and don’t stray away from our desires because you don’t agree with how we want to be treated. We need a good balance of actions, emotions, etc...not too much, not too little, but just right. The key to a successful relationship is to love people how they want to be loved, not how you want to love them. I know for a fact this can be difficult, but it's a small price if your goal is to be with that person and make them happy.Heart2Heart

I MEME THAT

Social Relationships Are A Non-virtual Reality

Why does social media play such a major role in relationships today? Well I think rapper Yo Gotti explained it best in his song, "Down in the DM" when he said, "Snapchat me that..."(well you know the rest). Social media provides easy access. Not only do we need to worry about infidelity in person and via text, phone calls, email, etc, but we now have the luxury of social applications that make sliding in someone's direct messages and intervening in their lives, more specifically their relationships, as simple as ever. You do not even have to leave your bed to flirt anymore. Don't get me wrong, social media is not a bad thing, and it does not always have a negative effect on relationships. Ironically, my boyfriend and I met on Facebook (after he "accidentally" poked me). However, there should be boundaries. Like with any aspect of a relationship, the topic of social media do's and don'ts and what each of you is comfortable with should be discussed in detail until you can come to a compromise. That way everyone knows what to expect. After that, it is up to each individual to respect their significant other's boundaries in order to make them feel secure and allow them to fully trust. Sometimes this may mean removing yourselves from certain social media apps altogether. Consider whatever it takes to work out a reasonable solution. I emphasize "reasonable" because some people's issues are beyond social media. Some people just have trust issues, and no matter what you do they will have a problem with it. For instance, if they keep track of the number of followers you have, go through each of your likes and friend all of the females, hack your social media account and unfriend each female (including family members) or anything along those lines, then there may be a bigger issue. In that case, you may want to get to the root of the issue and reevaluate your relationship from there. Ultimately, if you are with someone who you truly care about and who you want to spend the rest of your life with, this should be a minor speed bump, but never be a deal breaker. At the end of the day, your goal should be to have a healthy, loving relationship, and I would take that over Facebook any day.

Heart2Heart

https://www.buzzfeed.com/kirstenking/watching-your-ex-fall-in-love-with-someone-else?utm_term=.vmLx12vWG#.dbNqGxz6l